2004-11-18 - 10:08 p.m.

There are certain people in your life that have such impact upon you that you desire to them to be around forever. Many times that is not a possibility. This is my final letter to a person that I truly loved and believed to be one of God's gifts.

Travis,

Well in classic dramatic letter form I truly do not know where to begin. But alas I will overcome this obstacle and state the obvious….my purpose in your life has been eliminated. I believe I have found a good way to start now.

I know myself well enough to know that I understand the strong bonds of marriage. There are certain unwritten rules and guidelines that must be followed when two people pledge their lives to one another. I will even go so far as to accept the current situation and believe that in order to continue in martial bliss you must obey your once girlfriend now wife and cease talking to me and Julie. I will not however accept that you, my dear Travis, would take the easy road out of any situation. To know that you could not muster the courage to call me or even answer me honestly when asked if you wanted, or rather should I say needed, the friendship to end is not acceptable. I held you to a higher standard than that for many reasons; including but not limited to the pure and simple fact that I believed you were one of the most amazing human beings I had ever met. You can imagine my shock now knowing this is not true.

Let us bypass any pretending. You know that Julie relayed your conversation to me. I find it unfortunate that you have placed yourself in a situation to which you are being punished for being a good friend. Because indeed you were a good friend to me. I called you in a time of great need. I was seeking comfort, reassurance, and guidance to which you provided all of those things. Had I known that I would have to sacrifice our friendship I would have never called. What breaks my heart even more so is I truly believe that Julie is suffering for a misunderstanding that had nothing to do with her. I have forever known that your friendship with Julie was completely different than your relationship with me. And this is where I begin to explain just exactly why my purpose in your life has been eliminated. Much like a mentor and a student I looked up to you, desired to share in your inner peace, became dependent upon you. And you responded by, for lack of a better term, taking care of me. Both emotionally and spiritually. You need to take care of your wife now. I understand.

And yet I realize that you had so little faith in me. This above all is what hurts the most. You did not see in me a strong enough person to understand your situation. You did not see a friend who was willing to put her needs aside if it would have benefited your situation. You did not see an unconditional friendship. After years and years of mutual support, letters to a different continent, open ears and hearts, trips to the airport, and feelings that needed no words I have arrived at a place where I understand I was wrong. You are the lucky one Travis. You do not know what it is like to hold something so precious to your heart and then have it ripped away without your consent let alone any explanation. You get to progress forward with your new life while I get to ponder how exactly this all ended, and all because you could not pick up the phone and tell me the truth. There is no remedy for this pain. This pain is a combination of betrayal, confusion, and pure heartache.

If I thought that it would make any bit of difference I would tell you to continue on being friends with Julie but I already know that the damage has been done. I already know that once your wife became jealous of our friendship she immediately stereo-typed all of the extra women of your life and made you choose. This too is unfortunate. You hurt my best friend. In fact you accomplished something that not many people can say that have, you made her cry. And for that you will never be able to it live down, for that you must understand that whenever I look back upon the memories of our friendship they will be tainted with anger and resentment. Treat me as you will but Julie deserved better.

I leave you with this, I hold two hopes within my heart for you. One, that your life turns out to be everything that you ever wanted it to be. I cannot deny the role you played in my life and therefore I truly do wish things well for you. But two, I hope you wake up one morning and are struck with the magnitude of the way you handled this situation in its entirety. That you understand the true consequences of your actions and even begin to understand HALF of the pain you caused.

Heather

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